One Year Ago From Tomorrow...

I brought my sweet babe into the world. It is so hard to believe that one whole year has already gone by! I still remember the night before Curran's birth so perfectly. I even remember what I was wearing. :) The beauty about being induced was that we could enjoy our last evening as a couple and take our time getting ready for the hospital.

I wrote about my labor and C's birth here, but I think at that time I was wanting to get the facts down more than I wanted to include all of my emotions. But if you know me, you know they {my emotions, that is} weren't in short supply. :)

{by the way, it was funny to go back and read about my labor because of course I had forgotten most of the nitty gritty details like at what time I was how many centimeters. of course that stuff doesn't seem important now, but at the time it obviously did :) }

I remember my room being very quiet and peaceful while I was laboring. I really didn't want anyone else in there except John, but my mom and my sister came in and out some. The first time they saw me I had my oxygen mask on, and I think they got a little choked up seeing me like that, so of course I shed a few tears too. And then we still laugh about how when the nurse told me it was time to push I started crying and freaking out because I didn't feel ready for an innocent little being to be solely reliant on me. Christopher and Mom were in there to witness that moment. :) But I quickly got over my nervousness and was ready to accept the task at hand.

When Curran was born, they laid her on my chest for a brief second before they whisked her off to the warmer. All I saw was the back of her head. I could hear her whimpering, and it was such a sweet sound that every time John and I heard her, we just cried and cried. And every time we looked at each other, we cried some more. My doctor and the nurses kept asking us if we were ok. Later we would say to each other, "I mean, surely we aren't the only people who acted like that when their child was born?!?" Granted, we couldn't stop crying for a few hours, but still, we just assumed every one was like that. :) But seriously, it was like we just couldn't wrap our minds around the miracle we had witnessed. I still remember that feeling of being so overwhelmed. 

As I mentioned in the labor post, I felt fiercely protective of Curran from the moment she was born, as I presume all mothers do. Even when someone would make a benign comment about her peeling skin, for example, I would get offended. During childbirth class, the nurses drilled into our heads not to let the baby leave the room with anyone who didn't have a pink name badge on. The first night, a nurse came to get C to take her back to the nursery to do her assessment, and she was holding her badge in her hand so I didn't get a good look at it. I got so paranoid and made John follow her out to make sure they really were going to the nursery. :) The second night I sent C to spend the night in the nursery so I could try to get some sleep, and the nurse was to bring her to me every 2 hours to eat. If she was even a minute late I would start to get worried and wonder where she was. Now I know that that worrying never stops. It's just part of the job description.

These past 12 months have been filled with so much emotion: more love than I could have ever imagined, but along with such great love comes anxiety and fear that can be gripping at times. We have had ups and downs, but Curran has brought so much happiness to our family, and I am so very thankful that God saw us fit to be her parents. This has truly been the best year of my life!