The pre-baby blues.

Is there such a thing as prepartum blues?? I know that is probably not even a word. I guess I should be saying prenatal. Anyway, I was in the biggest funk yesterday. It all started with my doctors appointment yesterday morning when I stepped onto the scale. I looked down at the number blinking before me in shock! I wanted to attribute the high number to the many layers of clothes I was wearing since it was like winter yesterday, but that couldn't account for all of the lbs I saw! So when the doctor came in I was about to mention my weight gain concerns to him at the same time he was bringing it up himself. He made me feel better (only slightly) saying that I am right on target for overall weight gain because I didn't gain anything in the beginning, but I have just packed it on for the past two visits (not his words exactly). I told him that I know the problem...it's my eating. I hate to eat healthy foods! I just don't like anything that is naturally good for me. I walk a ton but it is not helping to keep the weight off. As my mom has always said about me, "She's the best snacker I know." Well things have only gotten worse since I found out I was pregnant. I really wouldn't be worried about the weight gain if it wasn't for my sister's wedding in June. I just don't want to look back at the pictures and be embarrassed by what a cow I was! But all this depression over weight gain just makes me want to eat more!! It certainly didn't stop me from eating my usual PB&J for lunch yesterday! :)

I am also stressed about not having a day care lined up yet. We are on four waiting lists but probably won't get into any of those places until 2010, so I went by a church down the street from our house thinking it would be no problem to get in there. And normally I don't think it would be, except when I spoke to the lady who runs the place, MeMe as she prefers to be called!, she was in the middle of taking care of a toddler-aged class, so she wrote all my contact info down on a post it note! I have a bad feeling that that post it note disappeared before the day was over. She told me to "just keep checking in with her" to make sure we have a spot come November. So I didn't leave there feeling too confident about the situation.

John knew I was in a major funk all day (I had the day off and didn't even enjoy it!), so when he called on his way home, he said he was taking me out to eat. Well I had been trying to mentally gear myself up all day about eating a salad that night for dinner, but when John suggests going out to eat I jump at the chance (he is the more frugal one of the two of us, so it always makes me feel better when it's his idea). I was in sweats so John told me to change (I guess he had somewhere nice in mind), but I wasn't in the mood to change so we went to Jim and Nicks, and I probably ate way too many cheese biscuits, but I had to drown my sorrow just a little bit longer until before I made the switch to trying to eat healthily. So today is a new day. I really am going to try make better decisions when it comes to eating. We'll see how that pans out...it will probably only last through the end of this week! :)

So now that I read back over my blog, those really aren't good reasons to be so down, but I was! I guess it's all the hormone changes. It was just strange how blue I felt all day. I feel much better today. I hope these mood swings aren't any indication of how I'll be after the baby is born!!

And I have been meaning to get Christopher to take a more realistic picture of the baby bump. That yellow dress pic is not really a true representation of what I look like. That's why I bought that dress!! I wanted to be lookin' good for my sister's engagement party! But really I look about twice that size on a normal basis! :)